What a beautiful gift you have given us all this morning! Your courage to sit with these feelings, to write about them and to share them - sends hope and connectivity, helps some of us feel less alone. Thank you for your honesty. And for continuing to share your gift of writing.
I think when we agreed to go on this journey with you -- and hopefully you with us -- that we’d be happy for whatever you wanted to share. And whenever. This was as rewarding as any song or poem.
You have a very strange way of "coming up empty". What a wonderful essay on not only the creative process or how the muse may work it's magic or black-magic, but on coming to grips with what you now need to maintain your optimism that you can work in new ways and embrace change. I have a family member that I thought we would lose completely (to the bottle) as it seems to run in my family. Somehow I have escaped that and I (frankly) don't know how. My family member celebrates 25 years of sobriety in approximately three weeks. I'm grateful. And I'm grateful for your writing, your music, and your honesty. Keep it up, puh-leaze!
I’ve been sober for a little over 8 years. For me, the heart of sobriety is learning how to “ tolerate the uncertainty.” One of the more attractive things about drinking for me was the complete certainty that it would “work”: silence the inner voices, erect a gossamer curtain between me and the rest of the world, take away my constant apprehension of doom, soften the jagged edges of shame, and on and on.
You’ve also perfectly described one of the great pitfalls of sustained sobriety: self-expectations. Over and over, I started drinking again because I somehow failed to live up to a version of myself that existed only in my head.
By sharing these deeply personal experiences and thoughts, you helped me understand myself better. You have given me permission to be flawed. When one alcoholic opens their heart up to another, miracles happen. Thank you.
8 years. Congratulations, Alexandra. That's an accomplishment. I was on my way to 8 years when I went back to drinking in 2019. I did so deliberately. But I wanted so badly to be back behind "that gossamer curtain". So well said. Since then it's been a roller coaster. Your message helps me. Thank you!
I feel you. My writing retreat this month has been EXACTLY the same. It’s hard to force it. But I’ll remind you of what you already know: small goals and sit with the process. I’m going to revise two paragraphs today. It’s all I can face.
Thanks for sharing the story, and prayers from Times Square today. Wish you’d grab a train and stop in to say hi at St Mary’s. Always got a home base if you’re in need of one in the city.
Beautifully written. It really is just about trying to stay open when everything around you and inside you makes you want to do the opposite. From what I know of you based on our one conversation and from listening to your catalog, I’d guess you have a pretty brutal inner critic. I think this post is a good sign of you, being a little more forgiving and loosening your grip on the reins. I’ve found Substack to be a forgiving place to experiment. It’s been wonderful for me so far. I can’t wait to see what you do next.
I wondered if a touring schedule would create this reaction. I love your honesty and your attention to a responsibility undertaken. Any and all posts are, to me, valuable and worthy. You carry a heavy load on so many levels, maestro. I wish you strength, you have my full respect for your superhuman musical and lyrical skills. I know how hard this attachment you’ve created can be. Really well. I’m sorry . It’s hard enough to be a human even without all the burdens, barriers and uncertainties. Please know you’re worthy and take care . Looking forward to seeing you in October.
Thanks D'Arcy. Strangely, it doesn't feel brave or difficult to write about alcoholism or addiction. It's cathartic. And the culture has progressed well when it comes to certain kinds of stigmas, secrecy, and keeping up appearances (keeping in mind that a large and vocal segment of the culture wants to keep other doors locked shut, or worse).
Thank you for sharing Discovery with us. I wish I could write as beautifully as you, to say something elegant and worthwhile. To tell you that I recognise a tiny fraction of what you are feeling and that at this moment, I am feeling a little less alone for having heard you share something that's so real in this 'I'm fine' society. Sending love to you. Sometimes plans don't always go as we expect, but it's good that you're doing something just for you.
Thank you - for writing, waiting, working, sharing.
What a beautiful gift you have given us all this morning! Your courage to sit with these feelings, to write about them and to share them - sends hope and connectivity, helps some of us feel less alone. Thank you for your honesty. And for continuing to share your gift of writing.
Thank you Alfred.
I think when we agreed to go on this journey with you -- and hopefully you with us -- that we’d be happy for whatever you wanted to share. And whenever. This was as rewarding as any song or poem.
Thanks Ron.
You have a very strange way of "coming up empty". What a wonderful essay on not only the creative process or how the muse may work it's magic or black-magic, but on coming to grips with what you now need to maintain your optimism that you can work in new ways and embrace change. I have a family member that I thought we would lose completely (to the bottle) as it seems to run in my family. Somehow I have escaped that and I (frankly) don't know how. My family member celebrates 25 years of sobriety in approximately three weeks. I'm grateful. And I'm grateful for your writing, your music, and your honesty. Keep it up, puh-leaze!
I’ve been sober for a little over 8 years. For me, the heart of sobriety is learning how to “ tolerate the uncertainty.” One of the more attractive things about drinking for me was the complete certainty that it would “work”: silence the inner voices, erect a gossamer curtain between me and the rest of the world, take away my constant apprehension of doom, soften the jagged edges of shame, and on and on.
You’ve also perfectly described one of the great pitfalls of sustained sobriety: self-expectations. Over and over, I started drinking again because I somehow failed to live up to a version of myself that existed only in my head.
By sharing these deeply personal experiences and thoughts, you helped me understand myself better. You have given me permission to be flawed. When one alcoholic opens their heart up to another, miracles happen. Thank you.
8 years. Congratulations, Alexandra. That's an accomplishment. I was on my way to 8 years when I went back to drinking in 2019. I did so deliberately. But I wanted so badly to be back behind "that gossamer curtain". So well said. Since then it's been a roller coaster. Your message helps me. Thank you!
I feel you.
Richard, thanks for sharing. I hope your time in the beautiful Hudson Valley brings you peace and that the annual family reunion goes well.
I feel you. My writing retreat this month has been EXACTLY the same. It’s hard to force it. But I’ll remind you of what you already know: small goals and sit with the process. I’m going to revise two paragraphs today. It’s all I can face.
I hope the revising went well. Write on!
Appreciate your honesty and vulnerability. I think many of us can relate. Thanks for sharing and strength to you always!
Thank you for the food for thought.
It’s a feast.
Thanks for sharing the story, and prayers from Times Square today. Wish you’d grab a train and stop in to say hi at St Mary’s. Always got a home base if you’re in need of one in the city.
Thanks Sammy. I'll pay a visit next time I'm in Manhattan.
Beautifully said. Those of us with the "craving" stand beside you --"brothers and sisters in arms"
Beautifully written. It really is just about trying to stay open when everything around you and inside you makes you want to do the opposite. From what I know of you based on our one conversation and from listening to your catalog, I’d guess you have a pretty brutal inner critic. I think this post is a good sign of you, being a little more forgiving and loosening your grip on the reins. I’ve found Substack to be a forgiving place to experiment. It’s been wonderful for me so far. I can’t wait to see what you do next.
I wondered if a touring schedule would create this reaction. I love your honesty and your attention to a responsibility undertaken. Any and all posts are, to me, valuable and worthy. You carry a heavy load on so many levels, maestro. I wish you strength, you have my full respect for your superhuman musical and lyrical skills. I know how hard this attachment you’ve created can be. Really well. I’m sorry . It’s hard enough to be a human even without all the burdens, barriers and uncertainties. Please know you’re worthy and take care . Looking forward to seeing you in October.
This is fantastic, Richard. Brave and so try...especially about the "psychic" frustrations. You nailed it. Thank you!
Thanks D'Arcy. Strangely, it doesn't feel brave or difficult to write about alcoholism or addiction. It's cathartic. And the culture has progressed well when it comes to certain kinds of stigmas, secrecy, and keeping up appearances (keeping in mind that a large and vocal segment of the culture wants to keep other doors locked shut, or worse).
Thank you for sharing Discovery with us. I wish I could write as beautifully as you, to say something elegant and worthwhile. To tell you that I recognise a tiny fraction of what you are feeling and that at this moment, I am feeling a little less alone for having heard you share something that's so real in this 'I'm fine' society. Sending love to you. Sometimes plans don't always go as we expect, but it's good that you're doing something just for you.
Thank you Julie.