#81: Bandcamp release day: The Conditional

(a single to benefit The Trevor Project)

Design by Hunter Studio / Photo “Villa Cariño” By Richard Shindell

This song could’ve been released weeks ago. I’ve got a folder full of perfectly presentable mixes dating from early February. But at the time none of them seemed up to scratch. Computer recording renders everything infinitely tweakable, not unlike a text in a word processing program. Write, cut, copy, paste, undo, redo, obsess. As an Italian friend once said about stoplights in Napoli (or its New World analog, Buenos Aires, where our conversation was taking place): the typical driver sees them as nothing more than una oportunidad para reflexionar. It’s a small philosophical deliberation at each intersection… to stop or to just keep rolling through. In the past few months I’ve rolled through dozens of good mixes.

But why? Why all of this endless returning, reopening, raising or lowering levels, adjusting eq, muting and unmuting? For a while it had to do with wanting to get it right. But after a certain point it had nothing to do with music. I was holding on to the idea of what I wanted the song not only to be, aesthetically speaking, but also what I wanted it to do, as in something, anything.

Early on I had decided all proceeds would be diverted to a cause. I would float the song out to some folks who need help, people caught in this terrible storm (as we all are). But every day came another horrifying headline—another desecration, another soul-crushing development, another surrender—flooding my little boat of a song. Overwhelming. So next morning I’d go back to make it stronger, sturdier. In truth, the work of repairing was keeping me afloat.

But I’m stopping at this intersection (in my little boat). The song is now available for download at my Bandcamp page. It costs a buck. But you can contribute as much as you like! All of the proceeds (100% after Bandcamp’s cut) will go to The Trevor Project, a non-profit organization providing counseling, advocacy and suicide hotline for LGBTQ+ young people at risk.

You’re welcome to take a listen here, gratis. But Substack audio is streaming only. At Bandcamp you’ll be able to download the song, and at a higher resolution. And of course I hope you’ll contribute generously to the vital work they’re doing over at The Trevor Project. Thanks in advance.

For more info on the song and the great Ada Limón poem on which it’s based, go here. And here is a list of upcoming shows.